I am listening to this song on repeat. I really like it, musically, but also (and I hesitate to use this phrase) it is really speaking to where I am in my life right now.
I moved to New York a year ago. This past year has been many things: exciting, stressful, really stressful, scary, fun and uncertain. But today when I woke up I thought about the above mentioned feelings and realized that even with all that, I am happy. I am happy to be in New York and trying to figure out what kind of life I want to create for myself. I also woke up less scared, less anxious; I am starting to feel confident in my decision to live here and dance. I woke up thinking “yea, this whole thing is totally going to work out, whatever ‘this whole thing’ ends up meaning.”
This is not the first time I have felt this way. My senior year of high school I was wait listed at Williams. After going to the accepted students weekend at Haverford (a truly wonderful school), my dad said “so, is it Haverford?!” and I simply replied “I think I am going to go to Williams.”
At that moment in time the fact that I had been wait listed seemed very minor to me; a pebble of a road block. I had no reason to be, but I was confident I was going to end up at Williams. And I did.
So I find myself in this new year, for the first time since moving to New York, feeling confident in my future. So, there is that, and that feels really nice.
Part of my new confidence, my new calm was inspired by this song. Some of the lyrics that “spoke to me” (eye roll) are the following:
"And now you’ve got this worry in your heart, well I guess it’s only life, it’s only natural, we all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole."
The song concludes by saying:
"I’ve been down the very road you are walking now, it doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome, it takes a while but we can figure this thing out."
I went down the rabbit hole of stress and worry and I have come out the other side confident for no reason at all that my life will come into focus.
Happy New Year.